Past Imperfect
by ilexx
Summary: Set during The Widening Gyre.


Don't owe anything about Andromeda.

Set during The Widening Gyre.**  
**

**Past Imperfect**

Do you still remember life before the Fall? I mean, I know you do, but can you really recall it, the way that life used to feel, smell, taste like? Do you?

Because, you see, I know what life was like before the _Andromeda_. But I can't truly, honestly recall it. I remember what happened, but I can't... close my hand and touch it; it's like it is just out of my grasp and fading – rapidly.

Even the events leading to us finding you: they're not blurred, mixed up or something like that. They just seem to have happened to somebody else.

It all went fast, almost too fast. Between accepting the assignment and finding you there were mere days, it seems. Did you know that? But they were dull, long, grey days filled up with routine matters – that didn't seem routine, but had begun to taste ashen all along.

On the day I first heard of this ship being more than a legend... I must have woken up around a quarter to seven. Making coffee, showering, getting dressed could not have taken me more than an hour. How do I still know that? Well, it never does.

We were on Astoria 7; the planet was back then still not fully under Than rule, more of a stronghold really, that they used to share with a lot of trading companies ran by Nightsiders, humans, Umbrites, shady figures – all of them.

I must have met the space port master around 09:15 that morning, engaging him in a lengthy discussion about reducing our docking fees considerably in exchange for letting him play an intermediary role we actually had no need for in our deal for parts with some remote and rather unpleasant cousin of Harper's, who had put up a business for spare parts on Astoria. He was a dirty little fellow we then met with over lunch – a slimy business over some slimy plates in an even more slimy hole calling itself ‚bistrot'. I do remember not being able to make out if the fishy odour invading my nostrils and slowly impregnating my hair, my clothes, my entire person originated from the place, the food – if that was what the plates displayed – or from Harper's cousin. Not that it did matter... We struck the deal, him and the master and us – each of us pleased with the way we had managed to take advantage of the other two involved parties. Routine again – I've done it a thousand times since I took command of the _Eureka Maru_.

I'm sure that early that afternoon we and the parts were back on the _Maru_, Harper starting off repairs, Trance helping him along and Rev safely listing and stocking away the parts we didn't need immediately, while I was heading for the shower, silently recapitulating the details and the info I had gathered for the upcoming meeting with Gerentex – and mentally preparing for yet another disgusting encounter. By then I was probably already slightly depressed and blue, and not paying attention to it.

Around six that evening I was certainly back in some other bar in the small trading town that seemed to consist of nothing else but bars, stop-ins and cafés of little to no reassuring aspect. I'm fairly sure that the place I then walked into was maybe somewhat less dirty, but none the less shady and – in terms of confidence – not much more inspiring than the bistrot. I do remember negotiations with Gerentex being slow, tedious, difficult and unpleasant, with him alternately threatening, persuading and trying to impress – and me busy hiding the parts of me most disgusted with him away, in a corner of myself that, back then before we met you, I used to keep safely out of reach from everyone .  
By eight o'clock however we must have agreed upon the terms of our cooperation and I was out of there.

By nine I was undoubtedly involved in yet another one of these bar room fights I used to get into on a regular basis. And I am pretty certain that by then even the punching, kicking and getting hit in return must have felt familiar to the point of boredom, all excitement lost. It's funny, but I don't think that I ever stopped to think about the purposeless, meaningless drifting along we used to call a life, and feeling it to be a good one too, before we got you out of that black hole.

At midnight I am sure that I was back on the _Maru_, pouring myself the usual late-night glass of milk, brushing my teeth, watching some news flash and heading for bed before it was over. I guess I read a while, a horror story or romance novel – or something along those lines. Never was much into Nietzsche before Tyr, you know. Not that I am now, come to think of it... But I digress.

The next day I must have spent preparing for the trip, Gerentex' money making the supplies needed easy to obtain. I must have been supervising the stuff being delivered and safely stocked away in the _Maru_'s cargo space... and well on top of this I'm pretty certain that it was freezing and rainy, that I caught a cold and was hoping to God to not have to drink some of Rev's disgusting teas that night. Oh yes, my life was safely running within its usual parameters before meeting you.

I do not remember, but I must have already been hoping, yearning for some miracle, a flash, some universe shattering event to take us all out of there, move us into a new orbit, show us a different path... and doubting that – with our luck and Gerentex' sleazy ways – the _Andromeda_ would be it.

Do you know what I recall best from this day? Going through the little information we had on the _Andromeda Ascendant_, reading the flexi of her officers' list with Harper, a lot of names and faces, and him suddenly saying: „Oh brave old world..." I didn't keep your traits in mind, but I do recall remembering your name the minute I first set my foot on the _Andromeda_ and wishing to be able to put a face to it.

It's strange how it all comes back now – while you're down on that Worldship and time is running out on us.

Get back, Dylan, get back! Because – you see – I do recall what life was like before we met, after all. I know, I promised to carry on for you, but I do fear that without you I will not succeed. Actually I fear that we won't succeed even with you, but that's another matter... With you along, however, at least it's fun to try. Because I know that this new life you offer is worth fighting for. As I also know that the life I remember from before the _Andromeda_... I don't want it anymore.


End file.
